Mentoring Relationships

Seated in Coco’s Restaurant one morning at breakfast, I began to quietly focus on several conversations taking place around me and within earshot. In a booth ahead was a sixty five year old Nazarene pastor discussing issues of Christian discipleship with a twenty-one year old Hispanic man he was mentoring. Several booths behind me was a tall thirtyish man discussing Biblical values with a younger, perhaps teenage man, another mentoring relationship. That same afternoon, I was on the campus of Biola University where I saw students interacting with their professors in informal settings outside of the classrooms, much as they did there in my student days several decades earlier. They were mentoring.

In many different ways, it seems that mentoring is woven into the very fabric of life. Even animals give us examples of instinctual mentoring. Several years ago, my foster son and I were going out after school each evening to plant trees on the campground. Our collie, Daisy, was in the habit of jumping into the pickup and going with us. On that particular evening, Daisy could not seem to get the strength to jump in. “She’s just not trying hard enough,” Nick said. We helped her out and in minutes we were busy making holes and stomping in hundreds of little seedling trees. Some time passed and suddenly Daisy, who had disappeared behind some older cedar trees, reappeared carrying a small dead animal. We had shouted at her to drop it, when suddenly we came to the realization that she was actually proudly carrying a newborn puppy. Immediately we felt ashamed for being so insensitive to our new mother. Before the evening was over, Daisy had given birth to nine beautiful puppies. After each birth, she would bring the puppy to us for inspection. Daisy proved to be an excellent mother and mentor to her pups as she coaxed them to develop skills essential to a dog’s world. Unexpected as they were, they brought so much joy to our household. We watched her raise her puppies, taking them on little excursions around our yard and onto the campground. Of particular fun was the time when she decided to teach them to swim. There is a pond in front of our house, divided into two parts by a small dock which ends about twenty feet from the shore at our end. Several times, we watched Daisy take her little puppies to the end of the dock where she hesitated until finally one day, she dove into the water and swam to shore. One by one the pups each dove in and followed her lead—except for the smallest of the puppies who we later named Clover. Seeing the hesitation of one of her daughter pups, Daisy returned to urge her on, accompanying her until finally Clover got the courage to cross. Daisy was instinctively mentoring her pups. Clover, by the way, stayed with us and for many years enjoyed swimming with her mother for most of those years. Daisy was a great mentor and watching her caused us to love her on a new level.

Mentoring involves so much more than imparting information in a didactic or even interactive manner. It is the sharing of life in a purposeful and nurturing manner. While mentoring may result in friendships, its purpose of goal cannot be friendship or the purpose for it would be compromised. For the one who would be a mentor, social skills leading to relational connections are essential.

As members of the human family, we are wired for relationships. In the paradise which was lost, our human father, Adam, enjoyed a vertical relationship with his Creator, as God Himself visited the garden home and communed, Creator with creature, in the cool of the evening. A horizontal relationship, creature to creature, was also enjoyed as Adam walked beside that special person, also placed there by God, who was made for reciprocal fellowship. Disobedience, of course, destroyed that original relationship with God and brought great disarray to humanity. Adam, and all who descended from that original human pair, was left with a longing for intimacy which would never again, on earth, be as fulfilling as what was lost.

Many younger people today also long for relationship. Perhaps it is evidenced by that longing for a parent who abandoned or just never had time. Maybe it was temporarily fulfilled through the extended surrogate family of the neighborhood or the street gang. It could be a longing somewhat fulfilled through an older sibling, a grandparent, or some other family member. Those relationships are only several possibilities, providing a sense of belonging, stability and possible direction, for better or for worse. The role designed for a parent is not easily replaced.

Some never find that significant relationship with a person whom they may look up to and find acceptance. Perhaps among the saddest are those who through repeated rejection, abuse, or neglect find themselves broken by what could have been, and resorting to destructive relationships, narcissism, or fantasy friendships which may not disappoint, but are incapable of true fulfillment.

Passion for mentoring is written into the genetic code of Appanoose Ministries. We have found that a pro-life moral commitment does not always translate into an accompanying commitment to the children born out of the circumstances from which they were rescued. Compassion must extend past birth as well as pre-birth. On some level, perhaps every person ought to be investing in someone who will most likely outlive them. In whom are you investing?

We are so thankful for the great team of people who pour out time, material blessing, and spiritual concern for young people mentored through this ministry. May God bless you!

            -Pastor Pat