Miguel Is Gone

Early one afternoon a call came from California. “Miguel is gone” sobbed the familiar voice of a woman on the other end of the line. At first I did not comprehend. “Where did he go?” I asked. “He died around noon” was the reply. In the hours following that call my mind explored so many avenues of memory, eliciting a broad field of emotions.  I thought back to my initial meeting with Miguel nearly two decades earlier; the nights spent in obscure areas of Los Angeles looking for a young man who had broken probation; the lengthy times of Bible study and earnest prayer with him; the time when one of his brothers murdered another brother and then the funeral message which I was asked to deliver for the slain brother; the introduction which Miguel gave this city boy to horses; a long night spent at the USC Medical Center waiting for the results of surgery following a violent street fight; my experimental attempts to intervene in breaking the power of far reaching addictions; and the list goes on.

Working as an assistant chaplain in a large, urban probation department, my first assignment was to what was then considered the world’s largest juvenile detention facility with a population fluctuating between 350 and 600 young people. At one point population exceeded 700. Even the chapel space was utilized for lodging. Working to complete seminary and other graduate schooling, income was quite limited, requiring extreme resourcefulness in meeting basic needs, such as gasoline for my car. But I was richly rewarded with unlimited opportunities to counsel young people and sometimes even their parents during times of crisis. One week I recalled over forty opportunities to share my deeply held faith in the good news of Jesus Christ with individual young people.

During those several years at the “Juvey” I was asked to fill another chaplain’s position at a smaller, but equally intense facility for drug and alcohol addicted young people who also had a history of going AWOL. I worked three days a week at the smaller facility. It was there that I met Miguel. He was playing pool as I passed him on my day of orientation. Catching my attention, he requested to by my first counselee.

Athletic, good looking, possessing exceptional reading skills; on the surface it would seem that he could go far in life. As is often the case, however, those personal assets only masked deep and far reaching needs. Upon visiting with Miguel I learned that a life of alcoholism beginning before his fifth birthday and experiences of serious physical abuse beginning with an elementary teacher before his ninth birthday had left him with seemingly hopeless addictions. As leader of a Hispanic gang, at the physical prime of life, he had been able to freely indulge his addictions without the restraint of conventional social boundaries. Between the ages of eleven and eighteen those indulgences led to seven incarcerations.

We shared a one on one weekly Bible study to which he wholeheartedly entered into. I watched as he quickly grasped spiritual concepts and attempted to integrate them into his life. As with a first time parent, I found that my dreams for his future exceeded his own. Eventually he was ready to leave our program. As I had done with a number of our boys who had demonstrated personal motivation in Bible study, I purchase out of my own very small income a good study Bible with his name engraved on the front. He treasured this for many years. One of my superiors suggested that he stay with me for a few months or a year in order to establish himself away from life on the streets.

Over the years, Miguel and I remained in touch by letter and phone. Some very exciting spiritual mountaintops were at times sadly eclipsed by experiences of back sliding to the habits of life which had so enslaved him. Even the birth of a daughter and two sons whom he dearly loved could not seem to provide the strength of motivation for him in keeping a steady spiritual walk. Often during times of temptation we read Scripture and prayed together over the phone, yet a few months later we would need to deal with the same issues again. As a young adult Miguel committed lengthy portions of Scripture to memory. I often asked myself why progress was so slow in coming. It seemed, however, that the Lord continually reminded me of His faithfulness in my own life and that it should not be surprising that He would expect me to provide long term spiritual support for a weaker brother.

Naturally, the rather unanticipated death of Miguel was a deeply moving event in my own life, bringing a tragic measure of closure to what had been a long journey with a surrogate son who, along the way, had become a trusted friend. The following weeks and months allowed me to reflect back and evaluate the experiences of this part of my personal journey. Several conclusions emerged which have played a part in shaping my life’s work. They are as follows:

• No investment is as significant as the investment in the life of another.
• People cannot be viewed as projects to be completed.
• There is only one Savior, and I am privileged to be His servant.

Moving forward, these conclusions have served well in sharpening my focus and life’s objectives, while at the same time setting boundaries so as to avoid unrealistic expectations for others and for myself.

I am the parent of two sons, both by adoption. Over the past nearly four decades, I have had opportunity to be a surrogate parent to a number of teenagers, mostly boys, for a piece of their lives. I am also a single parent, knowing the challenge of balancing the demands of professional calling, and the all-encompassing responsibility of parenting. My life has been full, and very busy. In spite of demands often seeming unbearable, I can hardly think of anyone whose life I would trade for the one God has given me. There have been times, however, of deep soul searching, intense pressure, crushing disappointments and huge challenges to the values and faith walk to which I am committed.

Life is, among other things, the classroom of a sovereign God, who teaches us, corrects us when we fail, and restores us when we turn to Him in faith. A great responsibility we have in life is to take the lessons which He provides, never resisting His re-direction but trusting His good will, and allowing the Author of life itself to tell His story through us.

Life is also a journey, a pilgrim journey, with a beginning point, circumstances over which we have no control, and an ending point over which we have very limited, if any control. The journey has many adventures which are only partially understood by the traveler, and only fully known by the Author. As I am writing these words, I am sitting tonight in front of a wood burning stove in a rustic cabin in the mountains of Colorado. My younger son left this morning on a backpacking trip, borrowing my hiking boots just before he ventured out. As he walked away, I couldn’t help but think of the many miles and adventure through which those boots have supported me. He will return in six days with an entirely new set of experiences which will be a part of his story. Like Michael’s backpacking journey, each of our stories are unique, one of a kind. While we teach our kids to respect many cultural differences and ethnic diversities which they encounter, we also need to respect the uniqueness of each person’s journey. We may not always agree with choices which are made along the way, yes, even identify certain decisions as morally wrong.  The journey, the life space, however, is as fascinating as the diversity and uniqueness of each fingerprint.

For those who follow Jesus Christ on the journey, life has even greater meaning. He, who gave His life for the salvation of the world, intends that those who follow after would also be givers. If the Creator Himself is a giver and we are made in His image, then we are not complete, or mature, until we too become givers. Life is finally not so much about what is gained as about what is given. The rich fool in Luke 12:13-21 determined to use his vast resources to dissipate his remaining years with a self-centered, happy retirement. On the other hand, Caleb, late in life, asked for new opportunities which would bless his descendants for generations to come.

At the core of a life of giving there must be a spiritual tethering point. Moses spoke of that in Deuteronomy six when he instructed parents to first of all love the Lord God with all of their heart, soul, and might. On the journey of life the distractions are many, but the focus must always return to the tethering point of purpose, to love God first and others second. Both imply quality relationships, as the journey of life is shared.