Programs vs Relationships

It was the fall of 1970, when a friend of mine asked me to consider partnering with him on Saturdays, walking the streets of East Des Moines. Doug, a student at a local college, intended to make friends with people, do projects with neighborhood kids, visit and assist elderly people as we identified them and then invite them to services on Sunday mornings. Our church, for its part, would provide an old school bus for transportation. The east side was home for me, a student at the local high school, and our church was also located in that part of town. We chose a decaying area two to three mile square, and set a goal to visit at least once in every home over the following two years. After thinking it over, I committed to joining Doug in his venture.

Over the next few years, we walked many miles in that part of town. My friend who happened to have a prosthetic leg due to a hunting accident, prided himself in the challenge of competing athletically with our new found friends on the streets, often at least temporarily, disguising his own limitations.

On the first Saturday, actually at the very first house we visited, my worst fears were realized when a middle aged gentleman literally booted us off of his property, showering us with a barrage of profanity, and what seemed to be some rather ominous threats. This happened all before we had even been able to introduce ourselves. Doug, however, was my mentor in this venture, and as we quickly reached the old brick sidewalk, nearly stumbling through an unkempt, liter strewn yard, he calmly said that the man “must have been having a bad day” and we would give it a few weeks before we returned to make his acquaintance. If it had not been for Doug, I would have written this one off – forever. He, however, saw value in people and continually committed to the importance of building relationships. Fortunately, for me, we did not have a similar encounter in the following years. There is something to be said for facing your fears early on.

Within weeks our Sunday morning bus route grew to a full bus and before long, with our youthful enthusiasm we proceeded to overload the bus, not comprehending the safety and even legality issues which could have confronted us. Many experiences which grew out of our two year project became foundational to the values, and even the passions for serving people which began to grow in my own life.

One of the experiences which stands out as I reflect back over the years, was a time in which Doug and I chose to focus particular attention on a small subdivision in close proximity to the state fairgrounds and specifically, two young brothers. Severe behavioral problems did not mask the fact that each of these young boys was desperate for any type of attention they could get. We were soon to discover that they were sons of a single mother who supported herself, at least in part, through the merchandising of her own body. Her “customers” gave the two sons a certain amount of attention they craved, albeit quite abusive attention. To a large extent, these two little boys were left to fend for themselves. A bit of attention caused both of the boys to be among the most anxious to board the bus each Sunday morning.

They proved to be a handful. After several weeks, the Sunday school teacher approached us and said that she was not able to maintain any level of order in her class with the younger of the boys present. He would not be able to attend anymore. Disappointed would be too mild a term to describe what Doug and I felt as the reality of the situation began to settle in. We had invested so much in these two young guys over a relatively short period of time, and from that, reaped so much in terms of tangible response and affirmation.

Talking the situation over, we decided not to give up without a little extra effort on our parts. What the teacher could not do, because of the number of students in class, we decided to do. Between us each week, one would accompany the younger boy to Sunday school as well as the congregational service which followed. When behavior became an issue, rather than disciplinary correction, Doug or I would simply place a hand on his shoulders and talk with him gently, but firmly. The results were positively amazing, to both of us.

In an incremental sense, this was a turning point in my life as it began to sink in that while kids may not always respond to programs, relationships are powerful. Programs are valuable in that they provide structure, resources, and accountability, but the Creator made His creatures for relationship first. It is through that very interaction within quality relationships that personalities, values, and character are developed. Now, looking back over the years, even decades, in which I have been blessed with opportunities to serve in local church ministries, juvenile probation, foster parenting, camp programs, and now parenting my own sons, vital perspectives have gradually evolved. A case could be made for the fact that the most significant accomplishments in life may not be those affecting hundreds or thousands but those affecting the two or three persons most significant in each season of life. Who is, or could be, most significant in your life at the present time in terms of an opportunity for personal mentoring?

-Pastor Pat